| Does life always have to be such an abhorent struggle? I refuse to whine about my daily struggle with depression. But I do wonder, will things ever get better? I doesn't seem to matter what I am doing, my world seems overcast by this shroud and weight. Is there a way out of this? Restore the joy of my salvation and renew a right spirit within me, cast me not away from your presence and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Lord, grant me a lasting joy. Heal my heart that it may love. |
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| Like a sunny balm to my soul in time of desperate grief his faithful love washes over me. Tears burn hot, most stay trapped within my aching chest. He is near. He is dear. I cry out and beat my bitter fists on His chest. My loving Father holds me still, though I curse and strike at Him His love continues. May I say ESOAL in so many ways was a breeze . . . real life has never been that way. ESOAL has rules and boundaries. Life: not so much. Look to the cross. Nothing is fair. I am glad that it is not. I'm glad God doesn't play that way. I'm glad Jesus didn't do what was fair. |
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| To my friends who read this: I love you, ardently. The love I have for you and the love you have for me keeps me going when I don't want to. I feel like I'm in Egypt right now. My God is with me. My heart beats hard within my chest. I know the Father will make me more like His Son. It hurts a lot right now. I thank all of you for your love and I thank God for H |
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| I have so many wonderful friends. God was very strong with me last night. My spirit cried out within me, "you deserve better, Jason." God's goodness washes over me. It still hurts, but He is so good. |
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| Ugh, My heart hurts so much. It is a good time, yet one that hurts me more deeply than I have been hurt for quite some time. I've spent the past couple days barely able to eat. Sleeping little if at all . . . crying bitterly . . . and crying out to God. The God part is cool. What has been broken between Him and me is now on the mend. I'm quite happy for that. A beautiful part of my life (probably one that I only very foolishly believed could come to be) is gone, broken with my heart. This sucks. |
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